Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
