the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
