I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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