we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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