it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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