I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
