I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
