so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
