y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
