It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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