saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
