he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize