His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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