I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
from now on my penis is your penis
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hippo gnu deer
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
