Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
