I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
