is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
