kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
