I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
