Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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