I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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