This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
