Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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