But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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