Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
