Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
