i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
