do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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