Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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