So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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