he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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