new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
