We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
