meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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