Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
