I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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