i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
