Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
