Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
