if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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