I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
