You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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