You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
