I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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