just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
