Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize