I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
