And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
