the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
