If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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