Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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