i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Reggie can tackle my bush.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
