Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
