Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
