It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
