Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
