Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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