guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize