mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
