Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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