Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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