She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
