Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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