Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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