Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize