sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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