I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
