Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
