I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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