everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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