You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
