I'm gonna have a badass scar
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
