ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
