I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
