I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
